Scribblings About Being a Wife
By Elizabeth Evans.
Some more Scribbling and I bet Fred would like to find this one!
There are times in life when, like a mountain climber adjusts his footing on a knot in the climb rope, one reaches a critical point, pauses, takes stock, makes decisions and either goes up or down.
The decision made at that critical point determine the rest of the journey.
Even in my lifetime I have seen the proliferation of opportunity for girls to choose their journey in an abundant number of roles, and yet the role causing the heart to pitter-patter, the rose to bloom on the cheek, and the smile to light her face, is the anticipation of the title wife.
I have had cause to review the job description, and my CV for my personal sign up for the role of Wife. For 10 years of my life,
I trained to be a missionary nurse and yet in the blink of an eye I tossed it all aside to take the position wife.
Yes, wives can do lots of things but when you take on the wife career that is what you are first and foremost.
I take pride in the fact that I keep my word to the best of my ability, and I made some magnificent promises on the Saturday that I stood at the church alter. These need reviewing from time to time.
In the presence of God, my friends and family I vowed some things.
In the euphoria of the moment and without retrospective experience, I promised some things that at times I hated to do, but hey, I vowed a vow and as I said I am proud of the fact that to the best of my ability I keep my word.
The job description of “Wife” lies in the vows made.
Firstly, I vowed to “Love” the person standing by me.
Love has many definitions and Scripture makes it very clear. Before taking on the role of wife, one needs to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 many times and ask if that is what you are able to do to the person you are committing to.
If not, do not take on the job.
There are many other ways to find fulfilment in life.
There are also many other women out there who would be willing to do this with the chap in question!
If you cannot love the person like Scripture suggests, then let someone who can do it, because it is pointless to make you and the bloke miserable.
What then is this thing called love?
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love is not jealous.
Love does not brag.
Love is not arrogant.
Love does not act unbecomingly.
Love does not seek its own.
Love is not easily provoked.
Love does not take into account a wrong suffered.
Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
Love endures all things.
Love never fails.
Scary hey!
The second part of my vow was to Honour.
The vow proclaimed that I would give this person high respect.
As a nurse, I showed my respect to my patients by allowing them dignity, anticipating and providing for their needs, keeping their confidences, and listening to their words.
I hesitate to bring up the Proverbs 31 wife but her husband had honour being known in the gates.
There was no bad mouthing or behind his back complaining to diminish his dignity. He was well talked about, well dressed, and respected so that he took his place with dignity among the rulers. Scripture says, ‘A wise woman builds her house and a foolish woman plucks it down.’
Church leaders have taken on board of late the value in honouring all members of the church community. This takes the form of special words of appreciation in public and privately.
It is said, Women need to be loved and men have a basic need to be respected.
Men need to feel it and to hear it often.
The wife candidate should ask herself does this man have my respect, do I have the capacity to present him to the world with honour, and assure him daily of my respect.
If you do not, let someone else do it!
Now we get to the prickly part. Yes, I promised to “Obey”.
Some girls have written the word out of their vows. I ponder why?
Submission is a principle of a successful life. It starts with ones parents, schoolteachers, bosses etc. Fitting into this structure makes for a smooth life. So, do girls flee from the obey word because:-
- They do not trust this bloke to make good decisions. They don’t trust his ability to collaborate. They do not trust him to do only what is best for them. Well then, do not marry him!
- They have not learned to trust themselves to fit in with his plans.
In that case, there is personal work do, firstly in submission to God, followed by other attitudes like domination that need sorting out.
Perhaps a personal belief in ones own power of dialogue and persuasion needs development.
The job description goes on:
In sickness and in health.
Diversity brings it own challenges to everything including the role, wife.
The fact is if you vowed it, then you stick with it. That is the job description.
Till death do us part. In my professional role, it has been said to me of some marriages, don’t want to put up with this for the rest of my life.
It is sad when the journey gets so bad that a sentiment like that is expressed, but yes, I have seen the principles of the marriage vows turn a bitter marriage into a joy. Yes, I have!
As I write this, I see and hear my Mother and remember her example as she fulfilled the wife role splendidly.
She married in her late 30s to a man mid forties.
Mother came from a Christian pioneering Australian family.
My father left his Irish home aged 16. He spent his years in the navy, travelled the world, fought several wars, married and buried his wife, and found the Lord in his 40s.
O yes, they were different, but they made it!
I remember my Mothers cheeky smile as she said to me, the Lord told me He had given me this man to bring him to Glory. And yes, she did, and had lots of fun on the way.
PS. I can hear women screaming at me, what about the men! O yes, don’t get me started on that!
However, you know what, when I stand before God the only questions I will have to give an account for are the things that I have done, and I vowed a vow!
So girls be sure you know the job description , check your own CV before you sign up for the job, Wife.
Comment :
It was so wonderful to read Betty’s (so called scribble). I am going to send the entire article through to my sister Beryl so she can read it to my mother. Beryl isn’t on face book so I will email it through to her. I feel very strange calling your wife Betty because I have always referred to her as Mrs Evans as Mrs Evans or Ps Fred’s wife but I want you to tell her I appreciate the amazing gift she has, not in just getting information down but the a wonderful ability she has to do it with such sensitivity and grace. I have always respected Betty as a wonderful woman of God and have such fabulous memories of her singing with you and on the few occasions I have thoroughly enjoyed speaking with her but to read this amazing story was quite emotional for me. Please tell I loved it and I let her know that the meek and gentle spirit of God on her life has been a whole lot more far reaching than she will ever know this side of heaven.
Janette and I love her very much.
God bless you lots my friend
Dave Peterson